The Mess You Made

I have a chest of memories, with multiple compartments
Most are on the surface, visible to everyone,
A certain few haven't been revealed in years

As you gain levels in our friendship, I give you access to more of these memories
I presume you do the same for me, because what is friendship if not sharing deep dark secrets and not being judged
But then something happens and you slink away

Leaving my chest open, all my memories strewn about
Leaving me to pick up the pieces and move on
Leaving me to clean up the mess you made

I hope you find another friend to confide your secrets to

But...

I hope you don't break their heart the way you broke mine
I hope they realize they aren't at fault when you move on, yet again

Assumption

Think about the way you emote when you speak

That upwards tilt of sarcasm

That high-pitch of curiosity

The break in your voice when you try to hold onto those tears

Take all of this on social media and none of it is projected

People misunderstand, people obfuscate

You're stuck at the cliff, all by yourself, instead of supported by a million others

All your kindness is taken for weakness

All your support is taken as a stunt

The next time you call someone problematic,

Keep all of this in mind, try a little tenderness

You both might be on the same side,

except you made a decision to assume too early.

New Year, Blue Me?

It’s 11 days late and I still haven’t posted my New Years’ post oh no! Procrastination FTW, but more like I fell sick and then traveled to another country and was overwhelmed and had to stop and -

WAIT

REWIND

Hello! It’s the new year, but it’s still the same me? Or a more blue me (literally) as my sister convinced me to buy more blue clothes as opposed to the black I usually adore all the time.

I think 2016 was not a very special year overall, but it had so many ups and downs throughout the year that I completely forgot about.

Silence

I had my breakfast.
I gave up the button that started a liberal conversation,
I mourned the lack of freedom of speech,
I stopped talking.

I walk across campus, silent people everywhere
The look of despair on their faces, the feeling of helplessness in the air,
I empathized with them,
I had nothing to say.

One particular person helped me more than I could imagine,
They convinced me that I am still valid, that my thoughts are still important,
They cared for me, even if just for twenty minutes,
I spilled my secrets to a stranger tonight.

Lost hope, no more

Please don’t study for 21 hours and sleep only for 3,
Please don’t worry yourself into a panic about deadlines,
Please don’t lose yourself while worrying about the whole damn world,
Please don’t.

Pamper yourself, get that bubble bath,
Go buy a pint of ice-cream and watch that thing you like,
Block people who are negative, put photos up of your friends,
Self-care is important.

-               —  Me, learning after a semester of breakdowns and lost hope.

Complete this List

I want to watch movies with someone
Have some cheesy popcorn to accompany my cheese
Lose track of time as the sun comes up
The rays illuminating their beauty

I want to chill with someone
Both of us doing our own thing
Distracting each other at points
Making memories as we go along

I want to have a food fight with someone
Maybe I’d be the one starting it
Maybe I’d be the one running away
Ending it with sweet kisses

I want to talk to someone
Exchange deep secrets, or just funny moments
Each word bringing us closer
Each memory melting into another

One day, there will be a someone
Someone who will complete this list with me
Till then, I’ll be patient
Till then, I’ll be waiting

Love is not a choice; neither is sexuality

I saw a post on Facebook today, and it upset me, made me happy and then upset me again.

Confused? Let me explain myself:

An acquaintance of mine made a post about how a person they knew thought gay people were sick. Said acquaintance of mine tried to reason with him, but to no avail.

I was upset because such people exist, happy that my acquaintance was an ally, and upset because apparently having decent human thoughts is a big freaking deal in my head?