Love is not a choice; neither is sexuality

I saw a post on Facebook today, and it upset me, made me happy and then upset me again.

Confused? Let me explain myself:

An acquaintance of mine made a post about how a person they knew thought gay people were sick. Said acquaintance of mine tried to reason with him, but to no avail.

I was upset because such people exist, happy that my acquaintance was an ally, and upset because apparently having decent human thoughts is a big freaking deal in my head?

Every time a person nearby makes a homophobic comment, I tell myself, do not get on your soapbox and start talking. They are making this comment because they are not educated enough on LGBTQ+ people.

But why aren’t they?

Considering India is such a traditionalist country, where people barely speak about dating in a normal tone, much less any “Radical” beliefs like supporting LGBTQ+ people, I can see why people have outdated views. However, I don’t think that excuse is acceptable anymore.

Inherent bias is definitely a thing that exists in all of us. These are things that have been instilled into us by society and the media to some point, and we need to work hard to erase ourselves of these beliefs. When you find yourself reducing your volume without even thinking about it to say something, you know that it’s an unwanted opinion to have. Why would you make that comment then?

We are the generation who are supposedly building the new nation. The one with new thoughts and beliefs and more progressive than the people from the 50s. We grew up with computers and later, phones. We grew up with access to knowledge all over the world. We believe more in Google than we do in God. Why, then, can we not expand our knowledge?

Here are some reasons I have heard:

• Maybe you’ll say that it doesn’t pertain to you directly, because no one you know is in the community, so you don’t need to educate yourself:

In a world where being LGBTQ+ is tantamount to being ostracized by everyone you know, people who are in the community will probably not come out to you unless they know that you completely support them. Especially if you laugh along to homophobic jokes because it’s the norm to do, they will probably be your friend forever but you will never know that part of them.

• Maybe you’ll say that it takes time to do this, it’s not as easy as 1-2-3:

Sure, by the time every person comes around and realizes that judging people for their sexuality is wrong, it might be a while. That doesn’t mean that you need to wait around for that day and then change your opinion on the subject, especially considering that this isn’t exactly up for debate. You can easily be the person who starts change in your group of people, tell people that they’re wrong when they use the f word, or when they crack homophobic jokes like it’s the funniest thing ever. Maybe, to you, it feels hard to be that one person who speaks up, but then if nobody will, then there is no progress.

• “Well, but not everything is about the gays, you know.”

Well, everything is not about the straight people as well, but that doesn’t stop society from assuming everyone is straight until they come out. The way they portray LGBTQ+ people in media is seriously bad, considering they either play them as the gay best friend with amazing fashion sense (a stereotype which isn’t necessarily true), or the person who never commits and is always sex thirsty. You might say, “Well, that was long ago,” but no. “Mike and Dave need Wedding Dates”, which released last month, had a bisexual cousin who was potentially looking for threesomes and didn’t mind hooking up with a random straight person because why not.

These are just few of the reasons people tend to speak about when talking about why they don’t educate themselves. Well, I want to say that there is no excuse for you to not educate yourself. There is no pro to being phobic about someone’s private life.

The only thing you are is ignorant, because: No, there is no conversion. No, they are probably not into you, don’t flatter yourself. No, they aren’t projecting a bad lifestyle to the kids around you. No, they do not just exist to be the butt of your jokes. No, you cannot just ignore their existence.

If you actually read through all of this, thank you so much. If you’re thinking, “Can she stop with all the gay nonsense already,” scroll up, read, rinse and repeat, please.

Here are some resources you can potentially look at:

1. http://thesafezoneproject.com/resources/ - This has a lot of links to different parts of the community, plus organizations that help people.
2. https://www.genderspectrum.org/quick-links/understanding-gender/ - Talks about terminology for gender
3. http://www.rainbowwelcome.org/faq - Geared more towards America, but may answer some of your questions
4. https://www.pflag.org/ - Support network for parents, families and friends of LGBTQ+ individuals
5. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAdn8jousD0 – About the non-binary, by a non-binary person

If you’d rather talk to a person, message me or I can direct you to people who know much more than me if I don’t know something.

Leaving you this song, because anyone should be able to sing a love song to anyone they want.