Don't despair; Don't be the lasagna

It is always hard to be that person, the person who is close to someone but the other way ‘round isn’t that true. That’s how life works. It isn’t all puppies and rainbows and OTPs and happiness. Sometimes it’s messy. Even without the added presence of a relationship.

It starts with a mention. It’s fun, to be associated with that person from a whole group. To send them pings and have them ping you back almost immediately. To mention them in almost every conversation and not have it be weird. You’ve considered a relationship, but then you just shrug. Being in a relationship isn’t necessary to have that amount of fun.

You continue this friendship so even your family knows their name, they have your house number, and you can easily talk for hours at a time. You actually have spoken for hours, and it was loads of fun.

Then, there is a new presence. It’s like a shiny object in your peripheral vision, something you want to look at, but ignore thinking it’s not that important to you. Soon enough, there’s cuter pictures of them together, more inside jokes with them than with you. They prefer sitting next to the new person than next to you. They talk regularly despite the distance. Talks of friends teasing them has reached your ears.

It’s not as bad as it sounds. They still talk to you. You still feel hollow, though. You want to ask them about it, but you don’t want to be that clingy person. You have other close friends just as they do. It still stings.

The breaking point is when they have been tagged personally, while you’ve been one of many others tagged. This is the time when you start pulling back, just a teensy bit. It’s not their fault. They just prioritize better, and you didn’t happen to be on that list. Time to not take stuff for granted anymore. Time to get used to them talking about this new friend, maybe more? Time to not get distracted by random stuff that makes you despair, even if only for a little time.

Moral: Even friendships make you doubt, just like relationships. 

P.S. Sorry for the really depressing post. I was in an angsty mood today.

Leaving you with this amazing song: