NaNoWriMo Day 2: Center of Attention

Today started off on a really weird note.

I usually wake up at 6 to get ready for work. I sometimes have these dreams which almost seem on the brink of reality with how detailed and imaginative they are. (Damn you, mind, for being so creative!) I sometimes feel like I can experience sensory details inside these dreams because of how immersive they are.

The notes I’ve written for today morning’s dream right as I woke up include this: (because you tend to forget details through the day)

Dream involving two kids get home
Try to get them out of the dream so that they can write a bit on my blog

It’s almost funny as to how nonchalant 6 a.m. me was about dragging people out of a dream. Or am I ruining some sort of alternate universe timeline by revealing these details? (Dun dun dun!)

(Random side note: I just went into the kitchen to get some cold water to drink, and almost opened my bottle of vinegar by mistake. That would have been a good thing to blog about, had it actually happened.)

I told a coworker today about my job ending next week. I guess the metaphorical phone tree is a real thing at my workplace because within the next hour, a lot of other coworkers found out as well. It technically was a good thing, because I didn’t have to go to multiple people to tell them (what kind of narcissistic BS), but also it had a disadvantage.

I kind of became the center of attention.

I mean, the leaving part did, but that was contingent on me, so….

It’s really weird being the topic of conversation, because if you know me, you know that I talk a good talk, but all I want to do is curl up in a corner with my laptop/a good book and not talk to most people. It was this almost awkward feeling of being braggadocious even though all I was doing was answering their questions about where I was moving, what my new job was, and when I was leaving.

Although, apparently, I might get cake (shhhh…)

…

…

or do I need to get the cake?

On another note connecting from yesterday’s wlog, I finally booked my tickets for a mini-Mumbai vacation today! This was the first time something over the phone got done faster than it did online.

All of these points just hit the post home that this is really happening. I don’t have to talk about this job in hypothetical statements anymore like I had been doing for the last three weeks. I have disliked making plans even two months in the future because I’ve never been sure, but now I’m less unsure.

(That sounds like a lyric, but all that’s in my head is now “I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell”. Is it problematic to call yourself crazy? The lyrics in that song are also questionable, to be quite honest.)

Also, procrastination #FTW because I need to start packing but I’m a lazy arse who would rather watch dog videos than clean up her room.

Although, on a related note: Dogs are the best! Cats are also good but also puppers and kittens (I’m done). (This mini shout out to dogs happened because I met a person who told me that in their opinion, humans are just large bones for dogs to gnaw on.)

Going back to the whole moving thing, I realized that I can’t move refrigerated food all the way across the country (sadly). So, I’ve taken it upon myself to make sure most of the food has been digested, and the rest given away before I leave.

So, I didn’t pack, but I did something better.

I cleaned out my fridge.

Look at that stack of utensils, almost like real-life Tetris, except I can’t game over. Although I do hope they won’t fall over.

From Left to Right: I have a slightly bruised peach, carrots, tortillas, lemon, and some left over whipped cream topping for cake balls I made last week.

(There is also some tofu and a lot of masalas, but you didn’t need to know that. It’s not like you’re going to come to my kitchen and do a MasterChef episode where you need to make a 3 course meal with these ingredients.)

It’s the second day and I’m already out of all the things that happened today, so this is my “I’m starting a new conversation” line, in case you’re wondering “Why did she go from People to Food to Utensils to People, I don’t understand.” Also, by the way, if you talk to me in real life, this is literally how I segue sometimes. I’d be like, “Unrelated, but ABC XYZ…” and people are just dragged along for the ride.

I’m making this up as I go along, but I guess if I’m out of things to say, I’ll do a story time and talk about something in my life and how it’s different from how I am now.

(I’ve also used up a hundred words to say that I’m out of words, and if that’s not what Mumbai University taught me, what else is?)

Back in my undergrad, people were pretty casual about exchanging assignments with each other. The strictness that exists in American Universities was severely lacking in the Indian university system, which worked out for most people.

Ideally, most people work on assignments together so that everyone is doing work, but not all of the work which makes their life easier. Notice my use of the word ideally to imply that it was not ideal for me.

At 18 years old, I had a lot of issues. Some which are still stuck to me like chewing gum on your favorite pair of pants. One of those issues was a craze to be liked, to the point of becoming a doormat. (Do you see where I’m going with this? If not, I mean, you can read on?)

Li’l 18 year old me thought that the best way for me to make friends would be to finish the assignments by myself and then give it to others. They would notice what a good friend I could be, and then join me in doing the same for other people.

If you think I’m kidding, I’m really, really, not.

Two semesters, and a lot of heartbreak later, I realized that this probably wasn’t the best way to approach things. I was naïve, but not unobservant. I had realized that a lot of people had ended up befriending me just to get my assignments, and some of them had not even pretended to do that, but just straight up asked me to email them my assignments.

I tried standing up for myself. In hindsight, I would say the only version of me I would befriend today would be me in my last year, but second year me was still okay.

I told people that me giving them assignments meant that they were not studying and that made me feel guilty, and so I was going to stop giving it to them. People were not happy. I hate to make myself sound incorrectly important, but people had gotten used to getting work done without actually working due to me. I had a lot of people say, “Arre, tu meri dost nahi hai kya? Tu itna bhi nahi karegi?” (We’re friends, right? Wouldn’t you help me out even a little bit?)

I also don’t talk to those people anymore, so it’s not that it affected my life a load, but it did make me realize that fair-weather friends like this are never worth it.

Fast forward three years to 2015, when I’m in the first semester of my Master’s degree, a new country, a place where everything is at stake. A person sitting next to me, asked me to help them during the weekly tests in my Machine Learning class. I just shook my head at them. After the class, they looked upset at me and almost demanded an answer. Past me made an excuse about how the professor was looking at me and that’s why I didn’t help them.

Truth is, I don’t like doing things that way. It almost seems unfair. Yes, I’m probably on my high horse about this and people reading this may help other people and I’m not villainizing you. This is just my opinion on school work.

2017 me is much better at evading these questions. She just says, “I’m sorry, I’m not comfortable doing that.” If it’s a good friend, they’ll understand. If they throw a tantrum, were they even your friend if they don’t accept your morals, even if they don’t agree with them?*

*This does not apply to really sensitive situations such as racism/sexism/hate speech and so on. It’s just a blasé way to talk about my morals regarding schoolwork.

That’s me for today. I’ll be off to a friend’s place tomorrow, but I’m sure she’ll be okay with me writing Day 3 at her place.

Leaving you with this song which got stuck in my head today at work, which I had completely forgotten about:

Leave me a comment (Constructive criticism, remarks, opinions for future posts, everything is welcome!)

Words left: 47227