YMMV - Friendships and their fragility

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

                 -        Adele, Chasing Pavements

 

It’s funny how some things can remind you of something else altogether. That is something which happens to me a lot. A song reminds you of a friend; a place makes you relive memories; a shirt gives you flashbacks if it was memory worthy.

About three weeks back, I was added to a group on WhatsApp. I was texting my friends about the confusion as I didn’t have any of the people in that group in my contacts, except one. I checked the group photo to realize they were all people from my school. People who were barely acquaintances in the high school squabbles and ego clashes. People I hadn’t spoken to in the last five years. It was really awkward and I gave an excuse of exams before leaving the group. Maybe I resort to first expressions too soon, I thought, as I realized even if I hadn’t left the group, I’d probably have put them on mute every week and cleared out any messages that had coupled up over there.

My earphones have been bust for a few weeks, so I’ve resorted to reading A Song of Ice and Fire in the hour’s travel back home from college. Today, as I reached a riveting part of A Clash of Kings, I happened to glance at the girl sitting one row ahead on the other side of the bus. Her hairstyle reminded me of a girl I always hung out with at school. I actually looked out of the window when she got down to check if it was her. I don’t know if I would have approached her if she actually were the same girl.

It makes me think. You grow as people every second. I know my sister still mercilessly teases me about the time I used to listen to Justin Bieber (I was a naïve teenager, just out of school). Every experience that you have changes you just a little bit. Every opinion you share or observe is a new data in your brain. At this point of time, do you choose to stick to first impressions or go back for a second one?

There are many close people in my life. One constant who’s always been there is my sister. Apart from that, as I went through school, junior college, college and now a year away from graduation, I seemed to have a small group of friends for each part of the way. However, keeping in touch with all these people somehow sounds difficult. Even though you spent most of the day together for almost two years, once that common thread is lost, with some it’s hard to carry on. With some, the bond just strengthens as you become friends in general than with respect to common assignments and gripes about teachers.

I wonder. A year from now, I’d be an exam or two away from never seeing 90% of the people in my college ever again. It’s not like three years back, where some people from your classes or your junior college are also in college with you. We’ll grow up, get jobs, do Masters, and maybe even get married (NOT ME!) I’d probably see them on the road, give a polite smile and look at my phone, not wanting to do awkward small talk.

It’s a sad scene, a new part of your life, a new beginning. At this point, do you let go of people and see if they hold on? Or do you hold on like a leech, requesting to meet up only for them to rebuff you every time? The person with whom you could catch up every six months as if it were yesterday becomes the person with whom chatting for even five minutes becomes awkward. It’s very easy to be on both sides of the friendship line. The person who you used to exchange about 100-200 SMSes a day with becomes the person you go offline to avoid. There’s a very thin line between being affectionate and being overbearing. 

Friendships do not have a constant state. Your confidant may change depending on the secret, the occasion, the circumstance. Friendships with some may deepen, while some may weaken. You may make new friends, and still be able to keep your old ones. It’s a two-way bond. You can’t wait for the other person to shake first, but I’ve realized sometimes you just have to dust yourself off and move on. It doesn’t help trying to think what you’ve done wrong.

I don’t mean that you should stop trying after a while, but friendships are supposed to be as natural as breathing, not forced like a blind date. At the same time, don’t block said person. Who knows, five years later you’d have more in common with them. Sometimes, the distance makes you closer, sometimes it sets you apart. If it isn’t working, let it go. Your mileage may vary, of course. You may be the loner, or you could be the life of the party. This is just some random rambling by a person who thinks way too much. Maybe this is just some random word vomit. I’m not sure, but somehow writing this down makes my mind clearer. 

If you have taken something from this, please comment below? Much Love!